Premarital Relationships — Why Not?

Premarital relationships—why not? How would you answer this question? As a young Muslim, do you feel this question is relevant to you at all? Have you discussed it with your friends? Is it a question you have thought about? Do you understand why not?

If you are uncertain about how you would answer this question, don't worry. Perhaps the most misunderstood of all human relationships is the premarital relationship between young men and women, especially among those who are just coming of age and coming to terms with their sexuality. The dominant understanding is that premarital relationships should be allowed and even encouraged. The most common arguments are that premarital relationships help to socialize young people to deal with one another, and that they help those who are looking to get married to have up close and personal, intimate knowledge of their potential spouse.

Do you agree with these two arguments? Do they reflect your way of thinking? The latter argument couldn't be further from the truth. Learning to socialize with the opposite sex, however, is a commendable personal goal, but it cannot be left to chance and definitely need not involve having an intimate, physical relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

Are Islamic Teachings Old-Fashioned?

Depending on your upbringing, who your friends are, and your exposure to television shows and movies, you might have been socialized to believe that premarital relationships are glamorous, filled with romantic overtures, and a natural expression of a man's attraction towards a woman. In fact, some young Muslims are so convinced that premarital relationships are the norm rather than the exception that, when told "dating is haram [forbidden]," they respond by saying, "Why is Islam so backward? Why can't we just get with the times and realize that today, premarital relationships are ok because not everyone is thinking about sex all the time."

Is that right? And so how would you propose going about helping those young people who are inclined to think about sex some or most of the time and not, as you say, all of the time. What shall we tell them?

Even the premise that the Islamic prohibition on premarital relationships is rooted solely in the notion that people think about sex all the time is false. There is no outright prohibition of friendship between men and women and, yes, those friendships can also be warm, caring, and long lasting. The important question is, how are these men and women related to one another? In Islam, men and women who are ineligible to get married to one another, who are each other's mahrams, that is, are able to have very powerful, long lasting, warm and caring, platonic relationships. It is helpful to review who these people are. In Surat An-Nur, after telling the believing men to lower their gaze, Allah Almighty continues in the next verse:

[And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss.](An-Nur 24:31)

So, yes, in principle, there is no problem with men and women being friends, as long as the men are in any of the categories described above in Surah An-Nur, verse 31. For those men who are non-mahrams, that is, eligible to be married, the risk is always there that one or the other will become vulnerable and will incline towards the other outside of the framework of a marital contract.

Think about it. If you have come of age recently, you know that with the onset of puberty you experienced distinct and profound changes in your body. Among those changes were an increased awareness of your own sexuality and the occurrence of 'wet dreams,' or nocturnal emissions. With hormones raging and very new and intense feelings of sexual stimulation, sometimes brought on by the least provocation, it is possible that a young person will become preoccupied with thinking about sex, even if he or she takes no action to actually attempt to relieve his or her sexual tension.

The fact of the matter is, sexual desires become pronounced and you might have experience mixed emotions, including confusion, guilt, and outright shame. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) understood human development well. In a teaching narrated to us by `Abdullah, (may Allah be pleased with him), the Prophet admonished young people thus,

"O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e., his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book #62, Hadith #4)

Timeless Islamic Teachings

We often end up falling into the trap of believing that maybe Islamic teachings are outdated and old-fashioned. On the contrary, Muslims accept the Qur'an and the teachings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) as comprehensive, universal, and timeless. Therefore, no matter where or during what time period in human history, premarital relationships have and will be forbidden because of the detrimental impact on the people involved as well as on society in general.Allah Most High ordains upon us a lifestyle according to which human life is sacred and which considers righteous conduct, mutual respect, and chaste and dignified relations to be the norm rather than the exception. We read in the Qur'an

[O Prophet! When believing women come to thee to take the oath of fealty to thee, that they will not associate in worship any other thing whatever with Allah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit adultery (or fornication), that they will not kill their children, that they will not utter slander, intentionally forging falsehood, and that they will not disobey thee in any just matter,- then do thou receive their fealty, and pray to Allah for the forgiveness (of their sins): for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.] (Al-Mumtahanah 60:12)

In the context of social relations, Allah Most High has ordered men and women who wish to establish an intimate and physical relationship to do so by signing a contract, to bind each of them to certain rights and responsibilities towards the other. The marital relationships is characterized therefore as a "solemn covenant," (An-Nisaa' 4:21). Contrast a "solemn covenant," to having no contract and no covenant whatsoever. In a premarital relationship there is no contract. There might be some commitment but it is not stipulated by any conditions: both the man and the woman can walk away from the relationship without any fear of breaching a contract, because there is none.

You must know how painful it is for young people to "break up" or "break off" or "get dumped," and how painful it is for them to be "in love" with a boy one day only to find him with another girl the next. In the most tragic cases, young women have lost their virginity to young men who spoke so passionately about love and future marriage, but then one day just stopped calling, or fell instantly out of love.

To the extent that men and women will, out of fear of Allah and out of a desire to please Allah, uphold their contractual obligations, marital relationships are strong, whereas without any contractual obligations and stipulations, both the man and the woman are at risk, as noted above. Allah Most High desires that we live chaste lives and therefore the Islamic outlook is that we shouldn't even go near, come close to, or approach the possibility of becoming vulnerable towards a man or a woman's attraction, unless we are serious and committed enough to sign a marriage contract and take on the rights and responsibilities associated with it. Allah warns in the Qur'an,

(And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way.] (Al-Israa' 17:32)

Painful Consequences

While not all premarital relationships are characterized by intimate, physical relations, there are clearly painful consequences for both the boy and the girl who are involved. Dr. Shahid Athar notes in an article entitled, "Sex Education for Muslim Youth and Their Parents" that there are "hazards" for young people engaging in sexual relations prematurely. He states, "The health hazards of early sex include sexual trauma, increase in the incidence of cervical cancer, sexually transmitted diseases, and teenage pregnancy."

It is important to note in this instance that Islamic teachings are often preventive in nature so "chances" that a person may become vulnerable to the temptation of one sin or another are excluded. The preventive nature of the teachings is most obvious when we consider the Islamic prohibition against gambling and the consumption of intoxicants. A person might not become addicted to drugs or alcohol by just having a single drink, but Allah our Creator, out of His mercy for us, has prohibited outright all intoxicants and thus He saves us from the risk that we will ever become addicted.

Closing Thoughts

Premarital relationships are forbidden in Islam. Interaction between men and women is not forbidden, provided that it is conducted according to certain guidelines.

Let us not be tempted to say, "Well, I have no problems with dealing with women as very close friends." While some men and women might be able to have platonic relationships, there is no guarantee that what starts off as simple friendship eventually leads to some and then strong attraction. Many people have looked back and regretted that they were not strong enough to resist the temptation to become attracted or to be alone with their friend. It is understood that in contemporary society, men and women mix in the context of work or study. However, the burden is upon the one who is mingling with the opposite sex to stay within the bounds of proper etiquette.

Islam allows great flexibility in the realm of conduct as long as the conduct itself is guided by the Qur'an and the teachings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). If the contact is purposeful, limited, and public, then there is less risk that either the man or the woman involved will become vulnerable to temptation. None of us can predict with certainty that we will be able to control our emotions and desires.

Almighty Allah knows who among us would be able to handle working and studying with members of the opposite sex. However, Allah in His infinite wisdom also knows that all of us are prone to forget and therefore, to protect us all, there are clear guidelines as to when and how and for what purposes we should interact with the opposite sex.

The beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) once counseled a man who sought his permission to commit fornication. In a most humane and dignified manner, the Prophet asked the young man if he would want another man to commit such an act with his mother or sister. In this way the Prophet was able to redirect the young man's attention from trying to satisfy his sexual desires to thinking about the honor and the respect with which he would want his own sister and mother to be treated by other men. Overall, in placing the act of fornication in a more personal and familial context, the Prophet helped this young man to see the detrimental impact that fornication and other such sins have on society at large.

Read More: Islam Online

Life's Rotten! Go Away!

Family is boring! Television is boring! Friends are boring! Life is boring! Nothing makes me feel satisfied. I live my life like I am watching TV — it all just passes in front of me. I am a passive observer of life. I keep buying clothes, eating food, and collecting friends, but I still end up feeling like an inflatable ball with a slow puncture.

But at the same time I drive people away, then complain when I am alone. I spend money on unnecessary things, then plead poverty.

Is it true that life is exciting, meaningful, and satisfying? Why don't I feel that? What or who has cheated me out of living a productive, happy, satisfying life? Who can I blame for the superficial tinge that has taken over my life?

It is not just me who feels like that. Most of the people I know are going through this too. Sometimes we sit and talk about the latest fashion, the best restaurant we have been to, and the greatest films we've seen. Fun is something we are supposed to have, but life seems like a favorite song that has been played over and over again until it has lost its magic and beauty. And when the song is over, I feel this heavy downer and wish I hadn't played it in the first place.

Some people blame this state of nothingness on urban sprawl. They blame the concrete jungles of modern cities that dehumanize people, the modern mechanisms of record keeping that reduce people to numbers on a computer.

Others blame the cutting down of trees, the death of nature. No more beauty. Maybe that's it! But human beings are supposed to be beautiful and there are human beings everywhere! So have people just become "unbeautiful"? Have I lost my own inner beauty? Is our inner beauty so closely dependent on the external conditions of life? I'm not so sure.

In the meantime I have this feeling that I want to be alone, perhaps to discover the beauty that I hope exists within me. I want to sit on a quiet beach and just listen to the crashing of the waves instead of car horns and people shouting and complaining, echoing my own voice. I want to feel the sand beneath my feet and walk on its softness instead of the harshness of concrete, bricks, and cement. I fear my heart may end up as hard as the walls surrounding me.

I want to lie back and look up at a blue sky and watch fluffy white clouds move peacefully wherever the wind blows them instead of looking around and seeing hard cold walls and doors that lock. I want to feel I am a part of all this beauty of nature so I can feel at peace, at home — something that the hustle and bustle of urban life sucks out of me, leaving me panting on my hands and knees, facing life with hesitation and a smattering of fear.

But even after the days are spent and I've lived in nature, at peace for a time, I still have to go back and face the cement and steel constructions built by man in pride and self-indulgence. I will take myself with me wherever I go. Am I forced to be a part of something that I know is slowly but surely chipping away at who I am and who I want to be?

But hang on, is it right that I blame others for what I am and how I feel? Can I be a spiritual giant, I ask myself, and rise above all this? If so, why do I still feel so rotten? Perhaps I'm not a spiritual giant after all. Shouldn't a spiritual giant be able to go with leaps and bounds up and over life's travesties?

Is it that I'm sitting making up excuses for what I stop myself from doing? Is it me? Am I my own enemy? Is life rotten because my soul is unclean, full of complaints, grudges, fear, and bitterness? Am I the one who gives up and gives in to the weakness of my spirit and that of others? Is the answer to clear away the rottenness from my own heart and soul, and build outward to make the world, wherever I am, a better place? Can I plead piety when all I do is complain about what is and what I am not?

Read More: Islam Online

Forgiveness as a Way of Life

Ever wonder what life would be like if our family and friends never forgave us for the mistakes we made? Take a moment to reflect on your own life. Think hard about it. What images do you see more often? Do you see yourself apologizing more or waiting for an apology? Now try to forget about all of those times when you felt someone else should have been asking you for forgiveness but did not come around to it. Forget about all of those times when you felt you deserved an apology but one was not forthcoming. This is not about everyone else, it is about you. It is about you making an intentional decision, a deliberate choice to internalize forgiveness as a way of life.

What Is Forgiveness?

All of us, at one point or another in our lives, have had an experience that frustrated us, made us upset, resentful, or angry. The sources of difficulty might have been, among so many possibilities, the words or actions of a family member or friend, or the words or actions of a stranger. Based on the intensity of the pain or harm we perceive from such difficult moments or incidents, we sometimes find that it is not possible for us to move on, to overlook, or to look past the pain or hurt. Even worse, we sometimes find it impossible to resume normal interactions with the individual or individuals who have caused us the pain.

Forgiveness is the subsiding and ultimate elimination of feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment towards the individual or individuals who have caused us the pain, followed by a resumption of normal interactions with the individual or individuals concerned. Ultimately, forgiving a person wipes away the active memory of whatever pain or hurt that caused the rift to begin with.

This notion of wiping away, of starting anew, is rooted in Islamic teachings. One of the attributes of Allah Almighty is that He is Al-Ghaffar (the Forgiving). There are frequent occurrences in the Qur'an of the juxtaposition of the notion of Allah the Almighty forgiving us and of covering or wiping our sins away. Among the numerous examples in the Qur'an, a part of one verse in particular stands out: [for Allah does blot out sins and forgive again and again] (An-Nisaa' 4:43).

And in this same surah, Allah Almighty reminds us again of people who strive to do good and struggle in the path of Allah: "For these, there is hope that Allah will forgive: For Allah does blot out (sins) and forgive again and again." (An-Nisaa' 4:99). The reference to blotting out our sins reminds us of a renewal of sorts, so that the slate of our actions is wiped clean. Similarly, when forgiving a person or persons, we strive to reach a level of self-restraint so that our actions with those who hurt us are no longer guided by anger or resentment, but rather by a desire to reestablish the bonds which exists between family and friends.

Obstacles to Being Forgiving

What is it about forgiving others that is so difficult? If you think about it, you can identify family members and friends you know who have found it almost impossible to be forgiving. We all might have family members who allowed an argument, over something trivial, to escalate to the point of no return. Rather than restraining anger, restraining the tongue, and restraining the hands and legs, we sometimes become vulnerable and lose control of ourselves. As a result, an uncle might not be talking to your father, or a mother might be shunning her own daughter or son. The desire not to forgive is not something unnatural.

What is unnatural, with sometimes dire consequences to one's mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, is the savoring of, the sulking in, and as gory as it sounds, the enjoyment of, the feelings of resentment and anger towards a person. As you can tell by now, you and I are responsible for how we manage our feelings, especially when it comes to being forgiving of one another. As much as we would like to blame our inability to forgive on other people, claiming that we do not forgive because the other person or persons are so bad, so unworthy of forgiveness, the reality is that not forgiving others is more a reflection about who we are, and about our souls more than it is about other people.

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) has taught us clearly that exercising self-restraint, especially in situations where we would be justified fully to exact retribution, is an ideal to which every believer should aspire. We learn from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), as narrated to us by Abu Huraira (peace be upon him), that "the strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." (Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book #73, Hadith #135).

Learning to Be Forgiving

One clear obstacle to being forgiving is our tendency to want to hold a grudge against people. As stated earlier, sometimes holding a grudge ends up being years spent apart from a family member or a friend. The question to ask then is: What do we gain by holding a grudge and not wanting to forgive? What could be so painful to us that we are unwilling to give the person who hurt us a second chance?

Of all the people in Islamic history, there is no one else who suffered more, was harmed more, was insulted more, and in general, experienced more emotional and spiritual pain than Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). His own tribe, the people of Quraish, turned against him and conspired to kill him. When finally Allah Almighty granted Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) victory over the Quraish, history captures for all of time to come, the merciful and forgiving manner in which the Prophet dealt with them. At the conquest of Makkah, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) posed the following question to the Quraish: "How do you think, I am going to treat you now?" They said, "You are a generous brother and the son of a generous brother. We expect only charity and forgiveness from you." He said, "I will tell you what Joseph told his brothers, ["There is no blame on you today."] (Yusuf 12:92).

Recalling the forgiving attitude of Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him) towards his brothers, who had also conspired to kill him, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) went beyond the imagination of the Makkans and inclined to forgive them when in fact the right to exact retribution was entirely his. Should we not aspire to imitate Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him)? Can we not find it in our hearts to forgive our family and friends and to strive to strengthen the bonds of family and friendship? Learning to be forgiving is not something one can achieve overnight. It takes a lifetime of practice and reflects the height of self-restraint.

Final Thoughts

Growing up, you might have heard again and again that Islam is a way of life. You might wonder, as I and so many others have, just what it means to say that Islam is a way of life. One way to think about it is that every aspect of our lives has to be lived in accordance with the teachings of the Qur'an and the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). Another way to think about it is that in addition to living our lives according to the Islamic teachings, we have to aspire to internalize as many as possible of the sublime qualities as compassion, love, mercy, forgiveness and so on. We must daily practice being compassionate, loving, merciful, and forgiving, for example.

Are you ready to incorporate forgiveness as a way of life? Who will be the first person you e-mail or call to tell them that he or she is forgiven? Who will you walk up to and say, "Listen, I'm sorry for holding a grudge against you for so long." Imagine how relieved you will feel knowing that you are no longer carrying around with you the burden of anger and frustration! Knowing that you have released all of that negative energy from your body will be refreshing and make it easier for you to be forgiving of others and to be forgivable by others. Indeed Allah is the Forgiving and our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) mastered forgiveness as a way of life. Are you up to the challenge?

Altaf Husain is a social worker in the United States and has been a contributing writer to Islam Online since 1998. He can be contacted at youth_campaign@iolteam.com
Read More: Islam Online

12 TIPS FOR MUSLIM YOUTH

Why should you, a young Muslim, be helping to bring your friends closer to Allah?

After all, you've got your own struggles to deal with: trying to explain why you pray to hostile teachers, Hijab discrimination, standing up in class when the professor attacks Islam, dealing with parents who think you've gone nuts because you’re growing a beard, or all the other difficulties faced by a number of practicing Muslim youth?

Islam was never meant to be an individualistic faith, reserved for the 'chosen few'. Muslims have a duty to spread the Deen, and practicing Muslim youth, whether beginners, activists or leaders have a crucial role to play.

"Allah has put them in a position that perhaps no one else is in," notes Sheema Khan, former Muslim Youth of North America (MYNA) advisor for eastern Canada. "They have the means to communicate with their peers, they have an understanding of what they’re going through plus they have the guidance of Islam."

Who is your childhood friend, who would rather spend Fridays at MacDonald’s than the Masjid, or your classmate who is Muslim in name and only knows that 'Muslims don't eat pork' going to listen to: the nice Imam of the Masjid who would freak out if he saw the way they were dressed and talked or you who may have grown up with them, joked with them, or see them everyday in school?

The answer is obvious: you!

Don't panic. Here are some tips and advice which can help from other Muslims, many of whom have been there and done that:

Tip 1: * Make your intention sincere *

All work we do should ideally be for the sake of Allah. That includes the task of bringing someone closer to Allah. That of course means this should not be connected to arrogance, thinking you're the teacher and everyone else should be lucky you've embarked on a crusade to save them. Guidance is from Allah. Make Dua and make sincere efforts and remember Allah can also misguide you if He wills (we seek refuge in Allah from that).

Tip 2: * Practice what you preach *

Not practicing what you preach is wrong and you will lose the confidence of anyone, young or old, once they figure you out. Don't do it. Allah warns us many times in the Qur'an: "Why say you that which you do not?"

Tip 3: * Use the Qur'an and Seerah (biography of the Prophet) as Dawa guides *

Read and understand those chapters of the Qur'an which talk about how the Prophets presented the message of Islam to their people. Read the Seerah to see especially how the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) brought Islam to so many different people, including young people.

As well, talk to Dawa workers, and check out manuals they may have written, like Yahiya Emerick's "How to Tell Others About Islam".

Tip 4: * Talk to people as if you really don’t know them *

Don't assume you know someone just by looking at them. You don't know that the Muslim girl in your homeroom who walks through the school's hallways as if they were fashion show catwalks is not someone you can talk to about Allah because she looks like a snob. Or that the Muslim guy who you've never seen at Juma at your university is a 'bad Muslim'. Maybe he was never really taught Islam and has no idea what importance Friday prayers have in Islam, especially for Muslim men.

Tip 5: * Smile *

Did you know the Prophet was big on smiling? But many 'practicing' Muslims seem to have 'their faces on upside down' as one speaker once said-frowning and serious.

Smiling, being polite and kind are all part of the manners of the Prophet, which we must exercise in our daily lives. If we want to approach others with Islam, we have to make ourselves approachable. Smiling is key to this.

But note that being approachable does not mean being flirtations with the other gender. There are Islamic rules for how men and women should deal with each other which have to be respected. Dawa is no excuse to have long and private conversations and meetings with the other sex, for example. Set up a system where someone expressing an interest in Islam is referred to someone of the same sex.

Tip 6: * Take the initiative and hang out with them *

Take the first step and invite someone you may have spoken to a couple of times to sit at lunch together, to check out a hockey game or invite them over for Iftar in Ramadan. Also, share difficulties, sorrows and frustrations. Help with homework, be a shoulder to cry on when depression hits, or just plain listen when your friend is upset, discuss common problems and keep their secrets. There are few things as annoying as a snitch and backstabber. But an important note: if the problem is of a serious nature, (i.e. your friend is thinking of committing suicide or is taking drugs), notify and consult an adult immediately.

Tip 7: * Show them Islam is relevant today, right here, right now *

Young people may think Islam is too 'old fashioned' and not in tune with the modern age. Prove this wrong. Show how Islam is really about relating to Allah, which any human being can do, anywhere, anytime. Allah is always closer to you than your jugular vein and He hears and knows everything. Encourage friends to ask Allah's help during tests, exams, and in dealing with problems at home with parents and siblings. Also point out how Islam relates to teenagers: Islam gives you focus and an understanding of who you are and where you are going, which 'teen culture' does not.

Tip 8: * Get them involved in volunteer work with you *

If you are already involved in the community, get your friend to help out. Ask them to make a flyer for one of your youth group's events or brainstorm for ideas about activities to hold this school year. This involvement makes them feel part of the Muslim community and deepens your friendship, since you are now working together on something beneficial for both of you. Make sure you thank them for their contribution.

Tip 9: * Ask them 4 fundamental questions *

As your friendship develops, you will notice the topics you discuss may become more serious. You may be discussing, for instance, future goals and plans. Khan recommends four questions to ask that can steer the topic to Allah and Islam:

i) Where am I going in life and what would make me really happy deep down inside?
ii) What do I believe?
iii) Who should I be grateful to?
iv) Did I get to where I am today without the help of anyone?

Tip 10: * Emphasize praying five times a day before any other aspect of Islam *

A person's main connection with Allah, on a daily basis, is through the prayer five times a day. Don't emphasize any other aspect of Islam until your friend starts making a real effort to pray five times a day. Emphasize the direct connection one has with Allah in prayer. If they are facing a problem, tell them to pray, and to ask Allah for help in Salah and outside this time. When possible, make it a point to pray together during your 'hang out time'. If your friend begins to pray, that is the first step to other aspects of Islam like giving up swearing, treating parents with respect or dressing Islamically.

Tip 11: * Help instill confidence in adults *

Adults, like Bart Simpson's dad Homer, are considered bumbling idiots in the eyes of 'teen culture'. Your job as a young Muslim is to help turn the tables on this false and un-Islamic belief. All you have to do is this: when a Muslim adult does something good (i.e. saving someone's life, donating money to a worthy cause, the Imam gives a good speech, taking good care of his/her family) bring it up in the course of your conversations with your friend and praise the adult in question. Doing this regularly may not only change your friend's perspective, but could lead to them seeing their own parents in a more respectful way.

Tip 12: * Support them even when they become more practicing *

Remember, just because a person starts practicing Islam more regularly, this does not mean everything will be okay from this point onwards. There will still be hard times, difficulties. There may be times when your friend may have doubts about his or her newfound practice of Islam. Be there to reassure them.

Author : http://youth.ibn.net

What does Islam say about Terrorism?

One of the distinctive characteristics of the times we live in is the overwhelming presence of violence in our societies. Whether it is a bomb going off in a market place, or the hijacking of an aircraft where innocent people are held at ransom to achieve political ends, we live in an age, where the manipulation and loss of innocent lives has become commonplace. Such is the all-pervasive nature of indiscriminate violence, that “terrorism” is considered as one of the prime threats to peace and security in our societies. The word terrorism came into wide usage only a few decades ago. One of the unfortunate results of this new terminology is that it limits the definition of terrorism to that perpetrated by small groups or individuals. Terrorism, in fact, spans the entire world, and manifests itself in various forms. Its perpetrators do not fit any stereotype. Those who hold human lives cheap, and have the power to expend human lives, appear at different levels in our societies. The frustrated employee who kills his colleagues in cold-blood or the oppressed citizen of an occupied land who vents his anger by blowing up a school bus are terrorists who provoke our anger and revulsion. Ironically however, the politician who uses age-old ethnic animosities between peoples to consolidate his position, the head of state who orders “carpet bombing” of entire cities, the exalted councils that choke millions of civilians to death by wielding the insidious weapon of sanctions, are rarely punished for their crimes against humanity. It is this narrow definition of terrorism that implicates only individuals and groups, that has caused Muslims to be associated with acts of destruction and terror, and as a result, to become victims of hate violence and terror themselves. Sometimes the religion of Islam is held responsible for the acts of a handful of Muslims, and often for the acts of non-Muslims! Could it be possible that Islam, whose light ended the Dark Ages in Europe, now propound the advent of an age of terror? Could a faith that has over 1.2 billion followers the world over, and over 7 million in America, actually advocate the killing and maiming of innocent people? Could Islam, whose name itself stands for “peace” and “submission to God”, encourage its adherents to work for death and destruction? For too long, have we relied on popular images in the media and in Hollywood films, for answers to these pertinent questions. It is now time to look at the sources of Islam, and its history to determine whether Islam does indeed advocate violence. SANCTITY OF HUMAN LIFE The Glorious Qur’an says: “…take not life, which God hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom.” [Al-Qur’an 6:151] Islam considers all life forms as sacred. However, the sanctity of human life is accorded a special place. The first and the foremost basic right of a human being is the right to live. The Glorious Qur’an says: “…if any one slew a person - unless it be for murder or for spreading mischief in the land - it would be as if he slew the whole people: and if any one saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people.” [Al-Qur’an 5:32] Such is the value of a single human life, that the Qur’an equates the taking of even one human life unjustly, with killing all of humanity. Thus, the Qur’an prohibits homicide in clear terms. The taking of a criminal’s life by the state in order to administer justice is required to uphold the rule of law, and the peace and security of the society. Only a proper and competent court can decide whether an individual has forfeited his right to life by disregarding the right to life and peace of other human beings. ETHICS OF WAR Even in a state of war, Islam enjoins that one deals with the enemy nobly on the battlefield. Islam has drawn a clear line of distinction between the combatants and the non-combatants of the enemy country. As far as the non-combatant population is concerned such as women, children, the old and the infirm, etc., the instructions of the Prophet are as follows: "Do not kill any old person, any child or any woman"[1]. "Do not kill the monks in monasteries" or "Do not kill the people who are sitting in places of worship."[2] During a war, the Prophet saw the corpse of a woman lying on the ground and observed: "She was not fighting. How then she came to be killed?" Thus non-combatants are guaranteed security of life even if their state is at war with an Islamic state. JIHAD While Islam in general is misunderstood in the western world, perhaps no other Islamic term evokes such strong reactions as the word ‘jihad’. The term ‘jihad’ has been much abused, to conjure up bizarre images of violent Muslims, forcing people to submit at the point of the sword. This myth was perpetuated throughout the centuries of mistrust during and after the Crusades. Unfortunately, it survives to this day. The word Jihad comes from the root word jahada, which means to struggle. So jihad is literally an act of struggling. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said that the greatest jihad is to struggle with the insidious suggestions of one’s own soul. Thus jihad primarily refers to the inner struggle of being a person of virtue and submission to God in all aspects of life. Secondarily, jihad refers to struggle against injustice. Islam, like many other religions, allows for armed self-defense, or retribution against tyranny, exploitation, and oppression. The Glorious Qur’an says: “And why should ye not fight in the cause of God and of those who, being weak, are ill-treated (and oppressed)? - Men, women, and children, whose cry is: "Our Lord! Rescue us from this town, whose people are oppressors; and raise for us from thee one who will protect; and raise for us from thee one who will help!" [Al-Qur’an 4:75] Thus Islam enjoins upon its believers to strive utmost, in purifying themselves, as well as in establishing peace and justice in the society. A Muslim can never be at rest when she sees injustice and oppression around her. As Martin Luther King Jr. said: “We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.” Islam enjoins upon all Muslims to work actively to maintain the balance in which God created everything. However, regardless of how legitimate the cause may be, the Glorious Qur’an never condones the killing of innocent people. Terrorizing the civilian population can never be termed as jihad and can never be reconciled with the teachings of Islam. HISTORY OF TOLERANCE Even Western scholars have repudiated the myth of Muslims coercing others to convert. The great historian De Lacy O'Leary wrote: "History makes it clear, however, that the legend of fanatical Muslims, sweeping through the world and forcing Islam at the point of sword upon conquered races is one of the most fantastically absurd myths that historians have ever repeated."[3] Muslims ruled Spain for roughly 800 years. During this time, and up until they were finally forced out, the non-Muslims there were alive and flourishing. Additionally, Christian and Jewish minorities have survived in the Muslim lands of the Middle East for centuries. Countries such as Egypt, Morocco, Palestine, Lebanon, Syria, and Jordan all have significant Christian and/or Jewish populations. This is not surprising to a Muslim, for his faith prohibits him from forcing others to see his point of view. The Glorious Qur’an says: “Let there be no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And God heareth and knoweth all things.” [Al-Qur’an 2:256] ISLAM - THE GREAT UNIFIER Far from being a militant dogma, Islam is a way of life that transcends race and ethnicity. The Glorious Qur’an repeatedly reminds us of our common origin: “O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of God is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And God has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things).” [Al-Qur’an 49:13] Thus, it is the universality of its teachings that makes Islam the fastest growing religion in the world. In a world full of conflicts and deep schisms between human beings, a world that is threatened with terrorism, perpetrated by individuals and states, Islam is a beacon of light that offers hope for the future. ---------- [1] Narrated in the collection of traditions of Abu Dawud [2] Narrated in the Musnad of Imam Ibn Hanbal [3] Islam At Crossroads, London, 1923, page 8 Author: Why Islam